Here is what I love:
I love that tonight my train book was so good that I got off at my stop, sat on a bench, and read for 45 minutes in the remaining daylight.
I love the Orthodox fathers and sons who rode by on their bikes with tassles hanging out from their spring jackets. And the clutches of women in orthopedic shoes power walking together with scarved hair discussing someone’s niece’s new car.
I love that while on that bench, I could place a Seamless order to my house for a falafel plate and elect the option for two accompanying pieces of maamoul because I don’t know what maamoul is, and if I don’t learn tonight, then when?
I love that the barbershop on the walk home always has custom women’s dresses displayed on mannequins on the sidewalk. I imagine it’s made by the owner’s son, and that he’s proud, and that he’s supporting the dream even though all of the clientele are older men and nothing ever gets bought.
I love the sense of momentum that comes with a new year and a new lease and a new neighborhood on the tip of my tongue.
I love that I’m in a place in my life where I can afford to be selfish, and work all day doing something I care about and then spend my money on frivolous shit like moisturizing conditioner and new types of socks and maybe a couch.
I love how somehow, lately, everything’s felt immense and within my grasp at the same time. And the strange equilibrium that seems to be settling in my chest the older I get. I can be as good as I want to be and as kind as I want to be and of course I will fuck up and of course it’ll hurt, but at the end of the day you just take the best swings you can and do what the woman you’re hoping to be would do. What your elderly self would do. Unencumbered by whatever pathologies keep you anchored in some idea of who you are. You aren’t anyone but your momentum. You are nothing but the energy spinning the atoms that make up your cells and it’s nuts sometimes to remember what a goddamn miraculous thing it is to have a nice walk on a nice night feeling like the entire world has arms for you.
